Haven't blogged in a while...

Nothing really to update.   I'm still doing well.  I'm dealing with tingling and numbness in my fingers pretty much daily now and starting to feel pain in my feet now, too.   I'm not getting any of the breaks in week 2 (my off chemo week) that I was at the beginning.  On the plus side, though, I'm in the middle of treatment 8, so there are really only 4 infusions left and in 8 weeks I'll be saying goodbye to chemo (hopefully forever if my post-chemo scans look promising).

Tired is not adequate to describe how I'm feeling, though.  It's a complete utter exhaustion that is affecting my every body part and my brain, and I'm sure my personality.   Today is a good-day (steriods coursing through my body make chemo days actually quite productive) but tomorrow I will likely crash again.

I have to lower the expectations I have on myself and stop writing this "Oh, I have all this time off work, I'd better get stuff done around here" expectations I have of myself.  Today's goal... laundry.  Tomorrow's, relax.  Keep it realistic! 

I have all summer off with the kids; we can do the decluttering of the winter clothing that still clutter up the area surrounding our front door, the clothes that are outgrown but still in the kids' dressers, and the toys that haven't seen the light of day in years,  during July (or August when I'm completely off the chemo).

So really, I'm doing good. The stereotypes I had in my head pre-chemo, have proven to be needless worries.  Only had one bad day of vomiting out of the 3 months I've been doing this.  Also only lost about a third of my hair and the loss seems to have slowed back to what it was before chemo --- normal, daily, clean-out-the comb, levels of hair loss.  So, if you know me, you know I had insanely thick hair to start with.  Now I have a lovely medium amount of hair.  Cutting it short probably helped with stemming the loss, and for the first time with short hair, I don't resemble a mushroom!

On to the next two months of this adventure.  Then... the recovery and eventual return to work.  I miss my Monday to Friday people and the adult conversations, but I have to admit, I love being home in the quiet house during the day.  I'm reading the third novel I've actually started and finished in May; I've scrapbooked a ton of pages; I've started stockpiling the homemade greeting cards; I've had to take a break from the crocheting because of the numbness in my fingers but for a while I was doing that consistenly; I can still type despite the lack of sensation, so I've even started writing again (read "proof-reading and revising" my Nano-novels.  Maybe 2018 is the year I'll finish a book and start looking to publication.  I have said that before, haven't I?    :)

Oh, and the laundry and basic housework is almost being kept up.  If you know my house, when I'm working it's a weekend slog to catch up.  Now, not so much.

Children are home now... suddenly I can no longer hear myself type.

Logging off,
Laura

Thoughts and Prayers

Just a thought that I didn't have the guts to say on Facebook (because you all know I'll get attacked for it)...   This group I follow and occasionally comment on is full of very devout Christians who are dealing with cancer.  They continuously post "Praise God, no evidence of disease," or "Praying for your recovery," or "thank God, I'm in remission," or the more dangerous,  "I'm leaving my treatment in God's hands" (ummm... maybe he WANTS you to do chemo, did you ever think of that... he's up in Heaven rolling his eyes while you are taking the natural approach and praying for a miracle?) etc.

So anyway, good for those of unwavering faith.  It's awesome!  Please feel free to pray for your recovery and give all your thanks and credit to whomever you worship if it makes you feel better.  But what I keep thinking, every time they thank God for their recovery, is...

Umm... who do you think gave you cancer in the first place?  If it's his design that you recover, it kind was his design that you suffered, too. Right? Maybe I'm jaded, but it seems a little one sided to credit God for their recovery, and not credit him for the disease in the first place.  You can't have it both ways.  Or can you.  I'm over-thinking this way too much!

I will wisely keep my smart-ass mouth shut on this one.  At least on Facebook where opinions can easily be miscontrued.