Saturday, 12 January 2013

Netflix - the dark side!

We are thoroughly enjoying Netflix.  Seriously.  It's good stuff!  For the cost of renting less than one video per month, we have access to a crazy amount of television shows and movies and documentaries. Definite gems that you can't find on television unless you pay for the whole premium satellite package.  Like "The IT Crowd", "Breaking Bad", "Supersize Me", "Degrassi Junior High" and "Degrassi High" (campy and out-dated but so nostalgic!), "Quantum Leap" and the "X-files".  And anything with Louis CK in it.

Recently Cory changed the Wii settings so that Netflix thinks we're American. I was nervous about that at first, but it doesn't seem to have impacted anything else that our Wii will do.  And no one has come pounding on the door accusing us of stealing programming we're not entitled to.  So I've relaxed and started to enjoy it. Really enjoy it.

Suddenly I find myself confronted with a whole host of television programs that I didn't know existed.  The American programming includes Disney programs that our Canadian one won't (for some copyright reason). It has way more television and way newer movies.  Apparently "The Hunger Games" is already on Netflix.
So, I have greedily devoured such trashy programming like "Sister Wives", and have caught up on missed episodes of "Malcolm in the Middle" and  "Everybody Loves Raymond"... and turns out, I actually enjoy documentaries.

But... with every advance in technology, there is a dark side.  A very, very dark side.

"Toddlers and Tiaras".

I stumbled across that the other day.  A 'reality' show that follows three or four young children and their parents, as they prepare for and participate in a Beauty Pageant.

And my jaw dropped.

These parents (okay, mostly mothers) are spending thousands of dollars on glitzy outfits and professional pageant coaches so their daughters can win crowns and titles and money doing the pageant circuit.

I saw five-year old getting spray-tanned, a four-year old being fed pixie sticks to wake her up because they'd gotten her up so early in the morning to have her hair and make-up done, a cute seven-year old being fitted for false teeth because, god forbid, she'd lost her two front teeth already.  And the one that made me cringe the most... a two-year old who's father was shaving her eyebrows, because she'd been unfortunate enough to inherit his bushy eyebrows.  I kid you not!  He was SHAVING her eyebrows.

And the mother of this two-year old, was talking to the camera and saying that it was important for her to learn about this beauty regimen now, while she was young, because it's very important for her to maintain her looks because her husband needs her to, or something crudworthy like that.

Oh gag!

Then these children go up on stage in crazy sparkly dresses, or bedazzled swimsuits, flashing fake smiles and wiggling their bums at the judges.  And they compete for prizes such as "prettiest smile", "prettiest eyes", "little Miss Glitz", "Supreme Queen" or whatever.  And the moms fake their enthusiasm when their daughters come in less than first place, but then complain to the camera that the pageant was fixed or that their daughter will try harder next time because it is her destiny and she SOOOO loves this lifestyle.


Ohhh, and then, of course, the families all have to get together before the pageant and pray together.  "Thank you Jesus, for what you have given our little Betty-Sue, may she shake her booty before that room full of pedophiles and may she always measure her self-worth by her looks, the smoothness of her fake tan, the length of her false eyelashes, and the lack of razor burn on her forehead.  If she doesn't bring home the top award, help us to belittle her and tell her she just didn't try hard enough so that she understands, Jesus, that our love in contingent how beautiful other people think she is.  In Jesus name, we pray..." blah blah blah.

I asked my husband if we had beauty pageants here in Canada (please don't tell my girly girl, if we do) and he said that our equivalent to the Beauty Pagent parent would be the hockey parent. Hmm... interesting comparison.  Some food for thought.  But a topic for another post, because I avoid hockey at all costs, so my experience with hockey parents is at an arm's length, thank god.

And so, that is the dark side of Netflix.  My new-found ability to watch exploitive claptrap and sit, disgusted, gleefully slinging judgement at the idiotic parents that set feminism and healthy childhood self-esteem back generations.

And, like a train wreck, I can't seem to stop.  I've already watched four episodes and can't wait until the kids are in bed so I can watch another...


Mrs. T said...

hahahahaha. omg. It sounds like you are putting your maternity leave to good use!
I haven't explored the dark side of Netflix (we seem to be lucky to get on there twice a month), but that DOES sound interesting, in a car crash kind of way ; )

Bev M said...

In terms of hockey there are excellent hockey parents and there are not excellent hockey parents. Same with soccer, figure skating etc. I was an excellent figure skating party and yes, for one season a great hockey parent because Brandi was in those sports for her. Not to appease her Mum, Dad or me, her stepmother. My cousin Dwayne grew up playing hockey, now his son plays hockey and loves it. Back to Toddlers and Tiras, you really are out of the loop. It's been on for years. I catch it when I'm looking after places that have TLC. It's disgusting. Hey I was in a beauty pageant when I was 16. I fought against the norm, I wanted my Dad to escort me and the judges refused. A male friend stepped in and he took me to the ball. I lost because I brought in politics. They took the popular one and she disappointed them, as she didn't do a thing for the youth of this town or to promote the community. Hey their loss, I had plans for total take-over. LOL!!! Enjoy Netflix and avoid anything that is on TLC. It's all very shallow and disgusting for the most part.

Anita said...

Sounds like you are getting the same shows on Netflix that we get on satellite.

OMG Laura... you watched more than one Toddlers & Tiaras!? Yup, sounds like watching someone's house burn down. Those "mothers", and we will use the term lightly, should not have had children! No, I'm not opinionated any more than Ernie was!