Pride Day

So, I posted on facebook on Friday that I was taking my kids to Pride Day because we were proud of our GLBT family members. A perfectly harmless update not meant to inflame or cause debate. I'm not interested in debates. (So if you're reading this post and gearing up for one, move along right now, please).

The next day a cousin-in-law updates her status. No names mentioned, but it's pretty obvious that it was referring to mine. She called me a "mushy believer" (huh?) and inferred that my tolerance and acceptance of the homosexual lifestyle is leading me straight to Hell.

Whoah.

Meanwhile, her diatribe (that goes on through 3 more comment boxes because she obviously has far more to say than facebook thinks she should), spews judgement and mud-slinging. She even mentioned that she had a gay brother and that she regularly tells him that his lifestyle is an abomination and he needs to repent and turn from sin, yada yada yada...

Wow, how supportive. Can't imagine how family dinners go at her place.

So then I comment on her status about how I feel sorry for her brother (cause I can't keep my big mouth shut), and my cousin comes to her defense and throws a couple of Old-Testament Bible verses my way.

The fact that the Bible is written by men and has been, for centuries, interpreted by men to suit the opinion of the day, is lost on this couple. I mean, Jesus had long hair, wore sandals, and a gown... do you really think he's homophobic?

Anyway, long story short, Pride Day was great! The parade was clean and a colourful, there were craft booths and activities for the kids, everyone was loving and happy and I only heard the F-word once. The best part, I didn't see any hate-mongering going on the way I have in previous years. It was a really tame event and fairly family friendly. The marchers threw candy from the floats at the children and the occasional condom at the adults. Alex found a couple on the street afterwards and said, "Mama, what kind of candy is this," but I pocketed his "candy for adults" and changed the subject. He hasn't thought to bring it up again. Whew!

My kids accepted it without any shock or disgust (and why would they, we have never promoted bigotry in our home). There were a couple of awkward moments when the drag queen was being crowned (Kirstin: "Those are weird princesses!" and "Why does she talk like a man?") but for the most part, they just enjoyed themselves and took it in stride.

In fact, when I asked my boys afterwards, if either of them had any questions, Alex replied, "YES! Why do you have to be 9-years old to go on the velcro wall?" and "Can we come back next year?"

So, there you go. I stand behind my status update. I'm proud of my GLBT family members. I think it's time to do a clean-up of my facebook friends list. Might just make it two people shorter and make my life all the much more pleasant!

In the meantime, have to figure out a way to get this message through to them before I unfriend them...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nhGk6eF65Fo

Chore Chart update,,,

Well, its been a month since the implemenation of our detailed chore chart. And I'm cautiously optimistic that it is working. Well. For the most part.

Its new home on the wall between the living room and the hallway.

Sure there are some gaps. For my own part, I have never managed to make it through all of my "daily" tasks. Or my weekly tasks. I, in fact, haven't dusted a thing since I put the chore chart up last month. And my "zones" are sadly lacking in movement, too. For the two weeks that I had the Kitchen card hanging up, I managed to move the stove and fridge out and wash the floor underneath them. That's it. I still haven't cleaned the oven. And the living room card has now been hanging for two weeks. I steamcleaned the carpets (with our cheap Bissell... it's not great but it's better than nothing). And that's it. So the detailed cleaning tasks are not really working too well. But the day to day stuff that I used to have to nag and plead with people to do, well, those things appear to be getting better.

Here's how I know this.

• I have washed three loads of laundry this weekend. That is it! I'm not sure where the rest of it is. I looked under the beds and on the bathroom floor but it's not there. The kids have been putting their laundry in the hamper before bed every night as one of their chores. And I've been emptying those into the washer whenever they get full, rather than letting it all pile up for Saturday. For some reason, it seems to have kept the amount of laundry at bay. I guess it's true that a load or two every day or two, keeps the pile under control.
  
  


• The last time I was in the boys' room picking up toys was three weeks ago. I walked in there in the dark last night and I didn't step on anything sharp and painful. I didn't step on any laundry, either! The room looks great! Yes, it's colourful, crowded, and haphazard. But it is also tidy! As tidy as one can expect a 6-year old and a 4-year old with differing abilities to keep it.




(Kirstin's room still looks like a tornado hit it. She's not so good at putting her toys away. Although I suspect that the boys might be contributing to that, as they seem to be playing more in her room, in order to maintain order in theirs.)





• I vacuumed the carpet yesterday. I didn't have to spend an hour picking stuff up before doing so. I just plugged in the vacuum and started vacuuming.

There are definitely some surface areas that need organizing (my catch-all-the-crap-that-comes-into-the-house desk in the far corner, and the piano that's covered in Alex's school papers) and you can clearly see the two loads of CLEAN laundry that have yet to be folded, but really, this is totally a liveable living room!




• 
  
  I swept the floor yesterday, too. Same thing. Didn't take me an hour to pick up crayons, paper, half-eaten food... laundry. I just swept it.

There's still a long way to go, of course. I'm not claiming this house is spotless. I will probably never be able to claim that. As I sit at this computer I'm facing all the dust (I hate dusting) that has settled on the desk, I can see evidence that we are never going to live in a show home. I see the pile of recycling on the kitchen floor that has yet to make it out to the carport. There is a pair of pyjamas discarded on the floor where Connor got dressed just a few minutes ago. There are crayon marks on the walls and the water cooler. There are cobwebs, scuffs, and fingerprints on almost every surface of this house. There's a stuffed dog in the middle of the kitchen table. A pair of shoes on the carpet and not on the shoe rack. Et cetera, et cetera.

But this weekend, for some reason, I don't care. I feel much more relaxed this weekend than I have in a while. I've decided to meet this family halfway, and accept liveable. We have clean underwear and clean dishes. Our house definitely looks lived in. I'd probably still run around with a bottle of lemon cleanser and a rag if someone called me up and said, "We're coming for a visit, we'll be there in an hour". (And a laundry hamper to stash all the clutter in our bedroom). But it doesn't look like a pigsty. And three days into this lacklustre (wet!!!) Canada Day weekend, I can probably calculate that I've spent about 3 hours doing housework (that's over 3 days). So whether this is a fluke or not, I have not spent 2 days busting my butt trying to clean this place up so that I can go back to work.

I'd say that's progress!

I am so messed up!

Anyone want to analyze this for me?


Last night I had a dream. And as I was dreaming it, I knew that I had had it before. On more than one occasion. A recurring dream, only, not at all like the ones I had as a kid. Where I was running and running and never getting any closer to my elusive destination.


This one was more real.


I was taking a University course. Last night was Art History. Sometimes it's just old regular history, but I have been at this Art History one before. I knew, sitting in the class, that I was desparately behind. Everyone else was handing in an assignment that I hadn't completed. I didn't even know about it. I actually hadn't attended the class in weeks. The instructor was talking about the upcoming exam and I was staring hopelessly at the pile of textbooks in my lap, knowing I should try to read through them before the exam. I was also sorting through a myriad of excuses in my head to explain why I had missed so many classes. And, I was wondering, when my next class was. I couldn't even remember my class schedule. I think I have two classes on Monday (yup, it was a Monday) but wasn't sure when and where the next one was. I was also desperately trying to sort out whether or not I should ask the prof to let me hand in all the assignments late.


For some reason, I think that my degree hinges on the completion of this Art History course (and that other one that I can't remember to go to).


And then I woke up. And was, once again, relieved to recall that I am NOT a student of anything at this time in my life... I am NOT skipping classes... I am NOT weeks behind in homework and reading... and I do NOT have a final exam next week that I am NOT prepared for. Whew. I got my degree 12 years ago.


What is up with that?


And why on earth would I suffer myself through an Art History class?

Flylady, kiss my grits...

I am a Working Mom. That, in itself, is redundant. The very act of being a Mom accompanies with it a whole lotta work! So... I guess you could say I have two full-time jobs, one outside of the home and one in the home.

What I have learned since having children, though, is that I'm not actually that great at the household management aspect of Working Mom-hood. In other words, I'm a lousy housekeeper.
Oh sure, I can clean this place up in a day if I'm so inclined (just invite someone for supper and watch me perform miracles). And I often do. But keeping it clean, now that's another story. Our house starts out relatively tidy Monday morning. By Wednesday it is untidy and by Friday night you can call it a pigsty. I won't be offended. That's what I call it.

Alex thinks I'm being rather disrespectful to pigstys.

I like to think that our house is like its own little calendar. You can tell the day of the week by measuring the depth of the clutter on the floors and counters...

So, in my ever present attempts to be organized, I've tried a variety of things.

Flylady, for example. I've climbed on that particular wagon on four separate occasions. One time I actually stuck to it for about 4 months and things looked rather good in our home. Then I went and got myself knocked up with baby #3, and all energy and motivation vanished! Thus, the return to CHAOS. Flylady is a great tool (http://www.flylady.net/) if you fit the demographic that she seems to appeal to. Married, stay-at-home women whose sole ambition is to keep their houses clean and their hearts full of loving adoration for the other slobs they live with. What can I say, I don't fit that demographic. For me, Flylady is an utter flop!

I did really like her Control Journal, though. As hokey as it sounds, I enjoyed checking my binder of to do lists and crossing of jobs as I completed them. For a while. Then it fizzled and the binder sits collecting dust on my cluttered china cabinet.

I have also tried to follow a chore chart that I stuck on our fridge. It's a dry erase board with the days of the week across the top and a list of chores down the side. It came with 4 sets of magnetic stars so that whoever completed the chore could put their coloured star beside it. It worked okay for a while, but I started to notice a funny pattern... my pink stars were the only ones ever on the board. Plus, dry erase is far too easy to smudge, and frequently tasks got erased before they were completed. That chore chart sits neglected now, all of the picky little stars long-since swept under the fridge or into the trash.

So, for whatever reason, I have decided to give this another attempt. A fresh go, so to speak. I know what needs to be done. My family knows what needs to be done. No one does it. I needed a system that was accessible to everyone so that everyone could pitch in and help me out. So I decided to create a chore chart for the family. Something visual. My attempts to get the rest of the family to realize that if we all pitched in, then maybe weekends wouldn't have to be spent madly cleaning the house and doing the laundry, and could be spent doing fun things together. It wouldn't hurt, either, for a little reality check: Socks don't magically appear in the drawers; clean glasses don't materialize in the cupboard every morning; school lunches, albeit often boring, are not readily waiting in the fridge each morning for no apparent reason.

I googled "homemade chore charts" and found a wide variety of ideas. I also stumbled across a manufactured one someone was discussing on Facebook (http://www.accountablekids.com/). I have to say, the Accountable Kids one was SOOO tempting. However, the cost to purchase the kit for three children (plus one for my husband) would have run me in excess of $120, so I wisely kept my credit card in my wallet. Besides, the first person on the page of glowing reviews was Dr. Laura Schlesinger, and the website kept throwing out the term "Focus on the family", so that immediately dropped it several notches of respect in my book.

So, from my online surfing, I took a little of this and a little of that. And I 'copied' a whole bunch of cute cartoons, too. Here's what I've come up with, a comprehensive (but easily updated) list of tasks that need to be completed regularly if we're ever to enjoy a moderate level of organization.
We've just finished Day 2, now, and the kids seem to be quite eager to complete their "chores" (things that they do anyway, but maybe now I won't have to plead with them to do).
In fact, we were almost late for swimming lessons yesterday morning because the boys were busily cleaning their room. Yeehaw!

Using an old bulletin board, some colourful card stock and scrapbook paper (don't worry, I have enough to spare), a box of stick pins ($1.12) and a roll of clear shelf liner "Mac Tack" ($5.25), I have come up with reasonably cheap, kid-friendly control journal slash chore chart slash allowance calculator slash routine list thing-y.

I am very tickled with the results! :)


Each child has their own colour of cards. Alex's, for example, are blue. And are tailored to his specific needs. For example, one of Alex's cards is a "Reading" card and one is a "Make your lunch" card. As he completes his tasks throughout the day, he can flip his cards from one pin to another. When he is finished flipping his cards, he is finished his chores (and finished the day because the last card is a "STAY IN BED!!!" card)


Connor's cards are similar to Alex's, minus the Reading card --- since he can't read out loud to me yet, and minus the Make your lunch card. Connor especially likes the Veggie Tale card, that encourages him to eat healthy food.


Kirstin's has the least amount of cards, but as she gets a bit older, I'll be able to add in tasks to hers. For now, she has to cooperate with brushing her teeth, pick up her toys, and essentially, keep her pants dry.

Green cards are for Cory and I (right, Cory?) They're tasks that need to be done regularly, but I'd be happy if they got done at least weekly. If you're a Flylady fan, this is my variation of her "Weekly Home Blessing" Hour. (Which doesn't work for me, either. Even back in my pro-flying 4 month stint, her Blessing Hour took me at least two. I mean, trying changing all the sheets on four beds in 10 minutes time. Sheesh!)



Purple cards are things that need to get done daily, if I want to wake up each morning, to some semblance of organization. Purple cards are also tasks that are simple enough that the kids can (and have on occasion) help out with. Once we've got this system fully implemented, purple cards are tasks that the children can choose to help with for bonus allowance.


Which brings me to the kids favourite cards... the Allowance cards. Each night when the kids have finished moving their cards from one peg to the other, they can earn an allowance card. Once a week (we've decided on Saturdays), they can trade in their allowance cards for actually money. It is our hope that by allowing our children to start earning money, they will start to realize that they are not entitled to toys, candy, treats, etc every single time we enter a store. Right now, they think we're made of money. And in their defense, we love buying stuff for them. But its all just truly 'stuff'. I'd like to be able to give them the choice... do you really want to spend a toonie on that plastic bauble in the machine, or do you want to save it up for that action figure you've had your eye on?

Allowance is a tough subject, and one that we might not stick to our guns on. Already we can't decide on a fair dollar amount. The kids are so young that I could give them a nickel a day and they'd be thrilled. Until they went to spend it, that is! Right now we're tossing around a quarter a day and a quarter a day for bonus chores. But that, too, doesn't add up very fast. But at this age, they don't want for anything. So, we'll see. Depending on what they set their little saving hearts on, they could be in for a long haul. Or they could blow it all weekly on dollar store trinkets that break with their first trip out of the package. The allowance is something we'll be monitoring for its usefulness.

I'm open to suggestions.

And my final set of cards... the Rooms. Pretty much the same thing as Flylady's Zones. There's one for Kitchen, one for Living Room/Recroom, one for bathrooms, one for bedrooms, and one for the hallway and entrance. These cards will rotate on a weekly basis (or longer if I don't get around to doing anything with them). This week I have "Kitchen" up on the board, so when I get inspired to do extra cleaning (like the oven I have sadly neglected), I will focus on doing it in the kitchen. Next week, I'll pick the next grubbiest room and put that on the board as my focus.

And that, essentially, is it! Our family tasks laid out for the world to see. By this time next month we will run like a well oiled machine and this house is gonna sparkle! You'll see...

The finished product!

Now where did I put that bulletin board? Oh yeah, it's under the fridge with all the dust bunnies...

Thank you, Ma'am...

Can I help you, Ma'am?

Will that be everything for you, Ma'am?

Thank you, Ma'am, have a great day!

Okay, so somewhere in my 35th year of life, I have become a Ma'am. By the very employees of a service industry I know only too well. One that paid my way through University and taught me the value of a dollar and the joy of being able to spend it. By gas station attendants, waitresses, and store clerks. By pimple-faced, greasy haired teenagers slinging burgers and peddling lattes.

Well, okay, that's a bit mean-spirited. I mean, after all, these kids are not all that much younger than I am...

So the Ma'am, then... what is up with that?

What happened to the "Can I help you, miss?" How did I go from that, to "Ma'am"?

Is it the wedding ring, no longer shiny and new that has etched a permanent groove on my left hand?

Is it the baby fat trapped around my mid-section that I acquired from three exhuberant, robust babies? (Well, alright, three years later can I really continue to blame it on the babies?)

Is it the odd stray hair, stiff and silver, springing up from the top of my head? (That I can continue to blame on the babies...)

Is it the family friendly mini-van I drive?

What about the bags under my eyes from almost seven years of ignoring my need for sleep (again, the babies...)?

Or perhaps is the Mom-sized handbag that has become my staple fashion accessory?

Really, please tell me, what exactly compells you to call me Ma'am??? Have you any idea how old that makes me feel? In my day I could tell the difference between a woman in her prime, and a woman dangerously skirting the precipice of middle-age. You kids today don't have a clue!

Ma'am...

Well, I never!

gender schmender

I think that green is definitely his colour! Wouldn't you agree?

Playtime

This is the kind of thing that makes kids worth having! Someday I'm going to write a book about them and it'll be the kind of book you just can't make up. I'll call it "Life in the Trenches: An Expose on Working Motherhood" or something along those lines.

It's Saturday morning. We've blown off swimming lessons because two thirds of my troupe is still harbouring an icky eye infection. So, making the best of our quarantine, I'm spending the day doing laundry and post-work week clean up. Instead of doing what I should be doing... playing with my kids!

Or maybe not...

The kids are outside in the carport playing store. I'm inside sweeping the floor. I get distracted by the recycling and I gather it up and take it out to the carport. There, I get distracted by the sleds, shovels and Christmas decor lying around, so I start spring-cleaning up the carport (my house never gets completely clean because I always get distracted and never finish the tasks I start).

Connor says, "Mama, come play store with me!"

I brush him off politely, and keep working.

He insists, "Mama, COME play store with me!" I tell him I'll play later and I keep tidying. He insists louder, so I finally get my priorities in check and agree to come to his store. I leave the carport tidying for... who knows when I'll get back to it. I wander over to his store, which apparently is called "The Everything Store".

I say, "I'd like to buy some candy, please!"

He says, with a very serious expression...

"I'm sorry, we're closed!"

My Little Entrepeneur